I would go days without eating
I would let my bones show through
the lace of my skin
And you can be ashamed if you like
because I was
Wide Open SpacesSome sick fuck
Half inanimate object
The man, forty stories up
Hurt me, hurt me
The closest to the edge on the day she was meant to bow
"Thank you, I'm all better now"
Forty story man doesn't look out
at her feet
on the other side
This song goes out to you, ghost boy.And maybe you
too much of your own music
I am violin string, broke on lonesome.
You are an LSD trip inspired tattoo,
words to your tongue you can't take back.
and my head said
you won't fucking forget
you can't stop dreaming of
in all it's grand cliché
and the music.
my speakers are broken
but that never
the words from flowering out into the air
and so can you blame me
to your name
People are big and scarySometimes
a human life is too big
and I am too small
and I think
if I squeeze hard enough
that I'll disappear completely
I don't believe in godAnd, as hard as it is to believe sometimes, you just want to feel like someone is guiding you.
Dragging your hands forward to the asphalt.
Pinning your wrist bones to the skin of your palms.
As you, or was it Jesus, who saved you from falling head first.
Into the man-made black, flat as waves.
The taste of your bleeding tongue.
The sky, trees and houses tipped around you like the cateye of a marble.
And some sufferer, buried in regret and silence.
Both creeping towards our death day where, goddamn, we finally get to read the answers in the back of the book.
Do single-cell organisms go to heaven?
And why allow me to learn my lesson.
But yet I keep writing, starting every sentence with "And"
Comes with a swordOne day I'll tell them everything I never talked about
The women at the support group
the strongest people I've ever met.
Jawbones made of steel and fractured jade
He pushed her up against a wall and broke her nose
Her eyes fill will glistening compassion
when she speaks of him.
How can you not see how brave you are?
The strongest people I've ever met
Fighting wars we cannot speak of outside this room.
I wonder how many of us will live through love
And of all the prayers for me, I hope my prayer for them is answered
Because some will return to their husbands fists.
The sun is shining outside
so I pray that they resist.
Praying mantisThe praying mantis
in my spot
on my sofa
I eye him from across the room
with his hands, brown spikes clasped together,
prays about as much as I do.
And equally as sucessful.
In the dark shade of the room.
His glassy eyes watch me watch him,
the light from the window reflected like TV screens.
His arms still fixed
the tips touching
still muttering under his breath.
He stays for long
but I daren't break his trance
in my chair
in my space
with nowhere to go but home.
SuckerEvery little thing
You mustn't be so forgetful
This is you
I'll sit on my porch when you go.
And through Monday, too.
Why not April, September?
This is me keeping secrets behind sour eyes
And my heart doesn't lay still
for very long
My insides twist
when I wonder where you are
This is me,
Sometimes Dead Girls Forget What Stars Look LikeThose nights insomnia catches up to me,
I imagine what the sky must look like and I count the stars
and I think, maybe they don't shine for us.
Maybe their glow is their way of crying "notice me,
I'm important and I can do good."
Perhaps they're searching for meaning in their life,
just the way we use them to search for our home across the ocean
and for a new world
and for something other than dead sea.
Maybe they're afraid of burning out
just like I'm afraid of burning down bridges and friendships
and maybe they think they're not good enough
that they could have been better,
that they could have been a sun or a planet
but they missed their opportunity.
I wonder if the stars live in cliques,
or if those constellations are their family members,
and I wonder if they ever get into fights with their parents
or run away from home
or write about it?
I bet the stars live like us,
but what would I know?
I'm just a dead girl from the grave,
and I haven't seen a star in decades.
Empty ShellI didn’t think much of it when I was little.
I didn’t notice all of the bottles
That littered the counter tops and the coffee tables.
I didn’t notice how you were always so unstable.
I didn’t think it odd for a moment
Because the whole time I’ve been around you’ve been broken.
I haven’t seen you actually happy
And it kills me.
I haven’t smelt your breath without a hint of liquor
Hiding behind it.
You’ve always walked around with a heavier shadow
The darkness sticks to you
It slowly made its way from your shoes
To your insides and ate away at them until you were left hollow.
A hollow shell.
Somewhere on the climb up the mountain you fell.
You broke all of your bones
And couldn’t make it back home.
You never saw what it was like to see from the top of that mountain.
To see that things get better,
So you never
The things that I never paid attention to when I was small
That I can see now.
And I feel so horrible
Is This Love?Okay,
I think I finally found out what love is.
Is it when,
The sight of her,
Turns your heart,
To her element.
If so, iron man you got some competition,
Because I’m in the position to fly,
No suit needed.
When she isn’t around my heart is bleeding.
I just, want her and only her.
We can fight til morning,
But please don’t leave,
If you do, at least,
Punch a hole,
Through my soul,
So in my next life,
I will still have your imprint,
But while we are still living this one,
I want you close, no space for an indent.
We can have fun together,
Whether or not the weather is kind.
The harsh sun couldn’t burn
The galaxies I seen in your eyes.
It’s hard to define this I know,
But do you remember your first sight
Out of the womb, me either.
But I’m sure it was a beautiful creation,
Just like when I seen you.
So all I ask, is if this is love,
And you feel the same for me,
Let’s commence this operation,
In hopes to get married someday,
And dance to the Beatl
Just SmileJust Smile
The rush of the wind, right beneath your feet.
It's knocked you down, on the left of the street.
People will laugh, people will mock, and people will scorn
Sometimes, like me, you wish you've never been born.
But like my dearest friends taught me, just smile
Smile during the good times and try your darn hardest when dealing with the bad.
This world is bleak, it has a lot to frown over, so just look life in the face and grin.
Tell it, “no matter how bad you treat me. I'm not going to let you win!”
Keep moving my guy, gal, no matter what you look like or how you sound.
There's one thing hatred can't take away from from this earth,
and that's the fact that frowning is more strenuous on the face.
So make your life, and your body feel much better by
on salting the field and winning the warthe phone rings again; pick it up.
today, the boss asked her when you're
coming back to work. she says she doesn't know
when the last time you got out of your house was.
you're not sure either. not all pain is fleeting.
not all pain is bright and hot. sometimes, it's
through the phone, she talks like the sun filtering through
newborn leaves. she is miles and miles away from
the hurricane that is battering your shoreline.
she wants to know when you'll be able to look her in
the eye again. 'the boss is thinking of giving away your job,'
she says. 'when will you be over this?'
you don't know what you should tell her.
'did you know,' you start, 'that years after
the Mexico City earthquake in 1985, citizens
walked around thinking they still felt aftershocks
in the soles of their feet?' break off
halfway through another word. stop. start again,
voice shaking. 'did you know that more soldiers in the iraq war
have died by their own hand than by that of an enemy's?'
voice shaking, h
The deserved MurderThe Deserved Murder
Whether from the inside or out
I know now that without a doubt
You’re dead, no longer a thorn in my side
Now do I care for the laws that abide
To this crime? no, for you have killed my beloved kin
With a never ending grin, time and time again.
Should I mourn because you have a family and kids
When you’ve stashed the hearts of my brethren in lids?
Fool, who do you think I am?
Some foolish man that believes in Uncle Sam?
Freedom for all and justice? Please, they do you no good.
I’m the shadow of vengeance shrouded in a black hood.
Whether the world thinks of my deed good or bad
You will never once hear me become sad.
Over a monster like you that only killed and pillage
Now if your ghost is looking at me, good, for I shall smile as I send your dead body to your village.
beloved/be loveddo not let someone else be your sun
fill your universe up with stars and
clouds and planets and
let others be within your
let them shine their brightest
gleam for all that they are
and all that they can be
notice their twinkle
if they dim down and
explode in a supernova
do not let them be a black hole
do not let other people's
darkness consume you
be your own sun
because the first thing you see every morning
is your own skin
and you deserve to be the center of your own universe.
coincidentiacut and paste blindly
into the machine
and i am reminded:
and i will not die.
i promised you that.
.my head has become a
teeming with ugly whispers and most days
i just want to get drunk
it's too much:
sitting in a history class where
the teacher just drones on
like a broken record about how in sixty years
we'll all be suffocating on the exhaust fumes
of our parents' sins.
driving on a clustered highway
in an empty car with half a tank of
gas getting passed by people too
occupied to live their lives.
contemplating a black hole pompous
enough to call itself the
future as an insatiable
debt worms its way into
the valleys and canyons of
my skin and bones.
give me a scalpel and
open up my skull.
exterminate these savage vermin
from my mind before
my veins turn black from their
toxic desires and my heart stops
beating the moment i close my eyes.